Duniya Ka Sabse Bada Performer

It was a Monday afternoon and I was all alone in my home, stuck with my little cousin brother whom I had to handle for an hour before my chachi arrived back. Suddenly he came running with a book in his hand and said, "Bhaiya, listen this story.". Thinking I had nothing better to do, I solemnly sat down and my brother began.."Once there was a Cap Seller. He was passing through a jungle. Soon he became tired and slept under a tree. The tree had a lot of monkeys and they saw the man sleeping under the tree with a bag of caps on his side. Trying to imitate him, they all took out the caps from his bag and each one wore the cap and started shrieking with excitement. .....".

This sounds familiar, I thought. All of us might have felt how sometimes a moment in your life had happened before, like it seemed that not a moment ago you had thought about it. I tried hard to remember what was that thing that reminded me about some monkeys trying to imitate a person by wearing caps. "Bingo!!!....". I did not know how it struck me but imagining a person wearing a cap immediately led me to understand who I was trying to remember. "Himesh Reshammiya!!". My body shook. It gives me shudders everytime I imagine his face. Its like, as if I am in constant competition with God,.... because once after eating in my mess, I said to Him.."I think this is your worst creation, you cannot possibly make something as awful as that.". But God has never left spared a chance to show who is Boss. First he sent Balaji Telefilms and now as if making a final statement he made Himesh Reshammiya. God, you proved your point BIG TIME. LETS NEVER FIGHT AGAIN.....

I felt so honored that day when I watched "Aap Ka Suroor" complete....in one seating...It was like a feat, an achievement that I'll never forget boasting about. May be I'll add it in my Resume to show my patience and determination skills.(Although I had a lot of practice in IIT, while waiting about an hour for just the orkut login page to arrive). "Indian Rockstar in Jail"......"Duniya ka Sabse Bada Performer..."...Believe me when I say, these two lines can make a funeral ceremony look like a Stand Up Comedy Show. But who am I kidding!!! This capped crusader has been winning every single award, be it music direction or playback singing, he seems to somehow have hypnotized the public into liking him. At least one person from three,
seems to be his fan, and at least 1 from his 3 fans have started imitating his Dressing Style, that is wearing caps, overcoats et all. (See the link between the monkeys and these fans??).Wembley Stadium, London which recently hosted Metallica, had already been honored by a performance by our great HR a year back...(They'll never make the same mistake again, though...It is believed that his voice still haunts many who attended the concert,...England has been observing a record rise in suicides following the concert,....... both humans and animals).

His albums have a common feature(except from the fact that he has a strange penchant for overcoats, caps and large-buckled belts), that in his every video all the girls go gaga about something in him. Now girls....Seriously, have you completely lost it?And for those who had been betrayed in love by there female counterparts, dont blame yourselves for it. With girls going mad for a goon like him, there's no knowing the limits of lunacy of the person they might be leaving you for.

Huhhhhh!!!And whats with his band...his music mostly resembles the genre which is so implicative to the modern Bollywood Music Industry.. And rarely have I witnessed any of ...say a Bass Guitarist or a Drummer in his videos. Its like he is a one man band who sings and plays all his instruments himself. All his songs have a similar way of progressing--First there is a trance kind of a beat..something similar to a dhik..chik..dhik..chik...(Its not too tough to generate, you just need a synthesizer and can be started by pressing a button), then starts a basic 8 beat or a 4 beat synth tune(which again can be started through just a button), and then commences the Royal Nasal Glory of "The world's best performer". In his concerts, out of 100 people present on stage, only one contributes to the music part of the concert(or the cacophony part) i.e. HR, the rest includes dancers, pretty girls trying to get on top of HR(may be trying to remove his cap to reveal whats hidden in the hollow depths of his head) and small kids to add the "cutish" essence. Well I could ramble on and on about him, the reason being..I really abhor him from the core of my heart.

"Bhaiya, bhaiya....wake up.". I had fallen asleep."Ohh!!So sorry...where were we??" I said. My brother continued,"Hmm..And then all the monkeys dropped there caps. And the cap seller picked up his caps and left the jungle.THE END".
I smiled.
Hope his reign ends soon....

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